How do you go from being the person who knows all the right words to say to other people, yet cant find a single one for himself…One time in my life were I wish I could speed up time, so I could leave this ugly cloud

Today should have been like every other day. Get up go to work, go home, photography, video games, friends, sleep. But its not. See this is why I believe in chaos theory. I also believe things happen in threes. Well I have two just waiting for the third! I learned at a young age that the spoken word is very powerful. Entire courses of history have been shaped by the spoke word. I learned never to fuck around when talking about anything. I tend to listen more then speak. “Those who know don’t speak, those who speak don’t know,” that short of mentality. It has served me well, kept me out of trouble these past few years. A mans word is his bond. At the end of the day that’s all he has got. In a few short sentences the darkness that has surrounded me over the past six months finally took me. I had at times, brief moments of the sky opening up, like being in the eye of the storm. I should have gone with my gut feelings, should have known that this was bound to happen, like the eye of the storm its only calm for a while then it unleashes hell…just I was not ready to be dropped into the 9th ring. When I eventually tell you what I mean by all this, some of you will feel sorry for me, others will tell me that’s what you get, and still others will tell me to fucking deal with it…man the fuck up! And yet I say to you, I knew it all along. I failed yet again, and this is the final time. The people close to me know that I have many different phrases and puns I like to use a lot during my dally activities, but few know the some of the words I live by. Like “Whats done is done and can not be undone,” or “Things in moderation,” and one that has come up only twice in my life “Destroy, Erase, Improve!” For once I have to say that all three are part of this equation. The last one has not happened yet, but it will very soon. Its for the best. One can only try so many times before he gives up and I for one never give up. Always try to fix the problem, always try to see both sides of the coin…The benefit of the doubt. I AM DOWN for doing whats right, and it hurts in every way possible. I will leave you with words from Immortal Technique. “Hold the person that you love closely if they’re next to you The one you love, not the person that’ll simply have sex with you Appreciate them to the fullest extent, and then beyond ‘Cause you never really know what you got, until it’s gone” Funny it works for both parties. Add another one to the list “never know what you have until its gone.”